An anniversary signifies a time of celebration for most
married couples. A time to celebrate your commitment to one another,
remembering the day you vowed to love, honor, cherish, and fore sake all others
. I imagine I am not the only one who struggles with this yearly event in light
of D Day. However, this was my first anniversary since discovering my husband
had an affair. In fact, this was my fifth wedding anniversary. Considering the past year, I was not much in a
celebratory mood. I asked my husband to
not refer to the day as our anniversary and to not get me a gift or card. He
respected my wishes somewhat; he did get me a generic card with his own words
written on the inside. We spent the weekend together, even arranging childcare.
I found myself really enjoying our time together. We connected like we hadn’t
in sometime.
Since D-Day, I've been on a quest to reconstruct our
marriage. I hate doing things we have done in the past, particularly since it
triggers memories I wish I could erase. So
instead of the typical dinner and a movie, we took a painting class, and then went
to dinner at a new restaurant. We made many new memories replacing the old,
withered, soul crushing ones. Even with the positive experiences we were having,
I couldn’t shake the intruding thoughts that seemed to appear in the midst of an
ideal moment. For example, on Saturday morning we went on a long bike ride,
something we haven’t done in years. We went to a new trail with beautiful scenery.
I loved feeling the wind in my face and the sun on my back. I took a few
moments and I thanked God for that precious moment. I felt happy. Unfortunately,
just as I was embracing the moment, my mind filled with angry, resentful thoughts.
I felt angry that the decisions my
husband made ruined many irreplaceable moments for me, including one that was
so sacred ..our wedding day. I can never
look back on that day and remember it with fondness, partly because the OW was
there but mostly because I look at that young girl in the pictures and I want
to warn her. I want her to know what she is getting herself into. Sometimes I’m
not so sure I would have married him had I known what I know now, but mostly I’m
glad I did.
Inevitably, I made it
through my first anniversary since D-Day and I feel relieved. It wasn’t as hard
as I anticipated and for that I am thankful. I’m much stronger than I ever gave myself
credit for and I’m betting you are too. How did you handle your first anniversary
after D-Day?
-K
